The SMASH Reality Index: Episode 6

We know where that couch has been.

Inspired by NYMag.com’s brilliant Reality Index recaps, Dave (@NineDaves, www.NineDaves.com) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH.

We’re six episodes into SMASH, and we’re still not really sure who we’re supposed to be rooting for.

Is it Karen Cartwright (Katharine McPhee), the naïve girl from Iowa who doesn’t know the words to “Hava Nagila” but can sing Florence + the Machine like a pro?

Is it Ivy Lynn (Megan Hilty), the seasoned professional who can’t stop talking when she’s on vocal rest, and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to sleep with the director?

Is it Julia (Debra Messing), the book writer and lyricist who’s essentially sleeping with Brian d’Arcy James AND Will Chase at the same time (bitch)?

Or is it Eileen Rand (Anjelica Huston), the producer who’s only really producing sassy one-liners?

We’re not sure. But we certainly know who we’re rooting against. And it’s not just Ellis (Jamie Cepero) anymore. Michael (Will Chase) has turned into a total cheeseball scumbag. We really want to love him, but when he’s doing shit like calling Julia from his kid’s bedroom, we just can’t get behind it. Also, his relationship with Julia seems based on lust. Why can’t he go back to playing trains with his son?

Although, we’re not mad at that shirtless scene…

We’re also rooting against Tom (Christian Borle) and Sam (Leslie Odom Jr.), who are totally getting together, right? They’ll be a terrible couple and poor pretty John (Neal Bledsoe) will have nothing to do but go back to his rich life with his perfect apartment and his supportive mother. Seriously – do guys like that even exist?

Apparently in SMASH they do. And if that inaccuracy wasn’t enough, episode 6 (“Chemistry”) was filled with more ridiculousness than usual (see: 90% of the Bar Mitzvah). Here’s what we came up with:

Totally True

• Ivy Lynn puts on her makeup while Derek’s sleeping in her bed. Because she wouldn’t want him to see her without her face on.
• “$7 million – that’s not enough for a musical these days.” We agree. Julie Taymor couldn’t produce a birthday party for under $7 million.
• “When do they stop changing everything?” “5 minutes before the performance.” Plus 20.
• Derek yells at Julia because she hasn’t finished writing the book and lyrics yet. They get into a huge argument, and for some reason, Tom butts in, yells a bunch, and then storms out like a diva. This all seems totally realistic.
• Ivy Lynn is losing her voice. Maybe because she hasn’t been wearing that scarf?
• Ellis immediately goes to Eileen to tattle on Derek’s big fight with Tom and Julia. Straight or gay, everyone in the theater’s a big gossip.
• The team decides to put Ivy Lynn on vocal rest. This is often used as code for a nervous breakdown, so that kind of works on many levels.
• “A leading lady with vocal problems – no one believes that even when it’s true!” (cough cough Alice Ripley cough cough)
• After being told not to mention anything to Ivy Lynn about the possibility of being replaced, Derek immediately goes to Ivy and breaks the news to her. What a dick. We kind of love him.
• All Derek cares about is Ivy Lynn’s voice. “You can’t have Marilyn without a Marilyn!” Okay, so he didn’t say that, but we kind of imagine he did.
• Julia fantasizes about making out with Michael. We like that idea. We also like the idea of those chocolate chip pancakes.
• Leo is acting like a total dick to his mother. Because even though he’s the one who was arrested for smoking weed in Central Park, it’s still somehow her fault.
• Brian d’Arcy James, FTW! God we missed him!
• Jessica says Ivy’s on prednisone – a “miracle drug.” Though it causes “mood swings, insomnia, hair growth, hallucinations, and weight gain.” We think we saw a commercial about that one. Some people were climbing a mountain or something?
• Ellis is sucking up to Eileen like it’s nobody’s business. And she isn’t buying it for one second. Eileen Rand is like the honey badger of Broadway. She doesn’t give a fuck!
• “Nantucket? This time of year? How dreary.” Eileen is becoming our favorite character for one-liners.
• “Well Nathan Lane is coming. And the Nederlanders.” Plus a million!
• Karen Cartwright’s never been to a Bar Mitzvah. Because there are no Jewish people in Iowa.
• Julia can’t concentrate because she can’t stop thinking about her kiss with Michael. If we made out with Will Chase, we’re pretty sure we wouldn’t be able to either.
• “He sang to me.” Yeah, we can’t resist a man who sings to us either.
• Upon hearing that Michael sang Donny Hathaway’s “A Song for You,” Tom says, “I bet he sounded amazing on that – I probably would have kissed him too.” We have to agree.
• How adorable is Christian Borle in this scene? Plus 100 just for being amazing.
• Eileen Rand goes to a bar named “The Bushwhack” – which may or may not be in Brooklyn. Either way, she plays Big Buck Hunter, which seems like something you’d do at a place called “The Bushwhack.”
• Ivy Lynn has a Heaven on Earth poster in her room.
• Everyone in this show is constantly singing in front of the mirror. We suspect all theater actors out there do this. And sometimes, theater bloggers…
• Ivy Lynn sees Karen Cartwright, dressed as Marilyn, in her mirror. Mood swings and hallucinations! Jessica was right!
• At the Bar Mitzvah, the cake says “Mazel Tov.” What else would it say?
• OMG CARICATURES! Linda’s actually been to Bar Mitzvahs where there were caricatures, so this is totally realistic.
• Karen Cartwright was late because she couldn’t get a cab from the LIRR station. This shit happens way too often.
• At John’s party, Tom meets two of his friends – perfect-looking, J Crew-wearing twinks, void of any personality. “We were in P-Town last summer, just window shopping for fun. A house on the beach. Small. Cottage. $2 million. That’s actually cheap.” Plus 100 because Dave’s been at parties with these types of people 100 times before.
• John’s apartment is super tiny and a loft and perfectly decorated and kill yourself.
• John just came out last year, and Tom is seemingly off-put by this. Dave’s seen this a lot in the gay community. For some reason, gay dudes just don’t like it when other gay dudes take their time coming out. It’s sad and destructive and totally true.
• Ivy Lynn is freaking out, post hallucination. But she’s mainly concerned about getting fat and growing hair. Plus 50 because that would be our main concern too.
• There’s an Into the Woods poster hanging in Karen Cartwright’s apartment. It’s not artwork we’ve seen before, so we’re guessing it’s from some high school or college production Karen was in. Probably as Cinderella. In which case, of course she’s given it prominence in her apartment.
• Karen doesn’t know the words to “Hava Nagila.” Oh Iowa…
• At least they did the traditional dance for “Hava Nagila.” Plus 10!
• Brian d’Arcy James’ character has Periodic Table flashcards. Dave works in Chemistry and he’s having a total breakdown right now.
• Ivy Lynn doesn’t want anyone to call Derek. Again, because she’s terrified of the getting fat and growing hair thing.
• “You’re the straightest chorus boy I ever met.” We believe this because Heaven on Earth looks like a super gay show.
• Tom criticizes John’s apartment. “His furniture is upscale minimalist. BLAH.” Plus 15 because we totally agree.
• They’re taking the centerpieces! Ahhhh!
• And check out those glow necklaces/bracelets! That’s standard Bar Mitzvah flare!
• While everyone else fast dances, we spot one couple slow-dancing. There’s always that one couple that’s ahead of everyone else.
• SHIRTLESS WILL CHASE. SHIRTLESS WILL CHASE. AHHHH!
• THEY’RE DOING IT ON THAT COUCH! THEY’RE DOING IT ON THAT COUCH! AHHHH!
• Debra Messing and Will Chase are doing it in real life. Plus 200.
• Karen Cartwright has no idea who a major music producer is. As Jessica said, “Ugh. You’re from Iowa.”
• Ivy Lynn is a method actress. “Why didn’t I get her fired the first day? Marilyn would have done that.”
• Ivy Lynn is upset that Derek didn’t come over. But she also told Tom she didn’t want him to come over. But clearly she wanted him to want to come over. Girls are so complicated.
• “Don’t you want to know how I am?” Ivy Lynn asks Derek. See above.
• Julia has that after-sex glow. Plus 50.
• Sex with Michael cured Julia’s writing block. Next time we’re stuck on a piece, we’re totally calling Will Chase.
• During the “History is Made at Night” performance, Michael and Ivy Lynn find themselves on the same couch that Michael and Julia smushed on the night before. Of course, Michael and Julia make eye contact. We kinda liked it.
• THIS IS WHY WE LOVE THIS SHOW:
Ivy Lynn: Hey, uh. While we’re stopped, I have a thought. Maybe you can give me notes without publically humiliating me at the same time?
Derek: Oh great…
Ivy Lynn: And maybe… maybe you could remember that artists are not football players who can take endless abuse and still do their jobs.
Derek: OK. Miss Monroe is having a moment.
Ivy Lynn: Oh, well maybe a different Miss Monroe could do it better. Miss Cartwright? Maybe you could take a crack at it?
I don’t need more time with the lyrics. You know what I need? I need to stop sleeping with men who are complete narcissistic pricks. Oh and you’re not that good looking. And you’re not that good in bed either.”
• Tom laughs with Ivy about her meltdown a mere 10 seconds after it’s over. Girls! They’re so unpredictable!
• “Well that was quite a bit of unscripted drama today. I probably shouldn’t say anything but I rather enjoyed it.” Eileen is our hero.
• The Nederlanders! David Stone! Jeffrey Finn!
• We love how Eileen Rand is acting as if she discovered the L.E.S..
• By the end of the night, Eileen Rand is totally fucking that bartender.

Oh Hell No!
• Eileen claims she’s “just looking for a workshop and an out of town tryout.” We doubt that – every producer wants Broadway. Plus, didn’t they say they wanted to take it Broadway in the first episode?
• Julia uses her troubles at home as an excuse for why the shows not done yet. Seems a little immature, even for Julia.
• Also, Julia casually mentions that her husband’s been out of town. Minus 10 for not telling us where Brian d’Arcy James has been.
• Karen Cartwright’s credit card bill is $326.38. Even if you’re not spending a lot of money, that’s super low for New York City. Also, no college loans?
• It would not have taken Karen Cartwright that long to pick up the contents of her bag. Also, did they really have to conveniently all fall behind that piano?
• How did Karen Cartwright get out of that room without being noticed? Did she stay behind that piano until they all left?
• Julia has pancake batter all over her pajamas and her face. “I’m so not the cook around here,” she says after she burns the pancakes. Cause God forbid a woman is good at her job and also good at being a mother.
• Michael tells Julia “don’t walk away,” and the producers of SMASH miss a golden opportunity for a Xanadu number.
• Karen Cartwright is performing at a Bar Mitzvah in Long Island. But Northport? Maybe if it were Roslyn or Jericho we could see this…
• No bartender at a bar named “The Bushwhack” knows how to make a dirty martini. At least not one that Eileen Rand would so joyously drink. And $7? That’s too expensive.
• When Julia tells Tom about her kiss with Michael, he immediately reminds her about her husband and child. Tom would have probably spent more time asking for details.
• Ivy Lynn is on vocal rest. But she has no problem singing Jesse J. We like this song, but the staging of this number totally sucks.
• And doesn’t Ivy Lynn have a roommate? There’s no way she could afford that apartment on her own.
• The decorations at this Bar Mitzvah are all blue and white. Which may seem right, since they’re the colors most associated with Judaism. But, Bar Mitzvah parties usually have themes. Like “Hollywood.” Or “Rock Star.” No self-respecting 13-year-old boy would have put up with this shit.
• Stop talking Ivy Lynn! You’re on vocal rest! Stop talking!!
• Karen is being a total asshole at this Bar Mitzvah. Get off your fucking phone.
• At every single Bar Mitzvah we’ve ever been to, the kids are not dancing. They’re usually outside, goofing around while their parents beg/force them to come back inside and dance. So the fact that all these kids – especially the boys – crowded around to hear Karen Cartwright sing? Ridiculous.
• Plus, are we really to believe that all these kids know Florence + the Machine? And like this song enough to crowd around and dance and sing and shake their hands in the air? This isn’t Rihanna.
• And did Karen just wink at that kid? EWWW!
• Do couples really sit up in bed together, reading/writing? This is something we see on TV all the time. But in real life, it always feels like one person is hanging out somewhere else. The kitchen. The living room. Isn’t that real life?
• The band is eating after the Bar Mitzvah. We’ve never worked a Bar Mitzvah before, but usually the band eats earlier, during a break.
• Julia takes a walk from her apartment in Gowanus Carroll Gardens, and ends up at a rehearsal studio in the theater district. Damn that’s a long walk! And in her pajamas, at that! Without even wearing a bra!
• Michael Swift continues to be the most ridiculous character on this show. And on a show that includes Ellis, that’s saying a lot. Case and point:
Julia: I can’t think if you touch me.
Michael: I can’t think if we don’t.
Michael: How ‘bout we just look.
Dave and Linda: How ‘bout we just kill ourselves.
• Michael tells Julia, “no one has to know.” Julia, seemingly, buys it. Which is weird because she’s a WRITER. Doesn’t she know how these things turn out? “No one has to know” = “Everyone will find out.” Surely something like this must have happened in Heaven on Earth.
• Speaking of earth, EARTH TO JULIA. YOU’RE ADOPTING A BABY! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT?!
• John and Tom are walking in the Union Square area, eating ice cream. Gay guys don’t eat ice cream this early on in dating.
• Can you have set pieces in rehearsal studios?
• Eileen Rand always walks into the room at the exact time the performance number stars. Don’t get us wrong, we think she walks on water. But surely her timing can’t always be that perfect.
• We like this “History is Made at Night” number. But this staging is some of the worst we’ve seen since Come Fly Away.
• Sorry Ivy Lynn. Derek is that good looking. And he probably is that good in bed.

Okay guys. What did we miss?

Contest: Win Tickets to Leap of Faith

Update: The contest is now closed. The winners were picked at random from all the entries. Congratulations Touchofgr3y and hugsy2k! Thanks to everyone who entered. If you didn't win, check back here on Monday for a contest for tickets to another awesome Broadway show.

It's been about 5 years since Raul Esparza last did a musical on Broadway and that's too long. But starting on April 3, he'll be singing and dancing and wearing a disco-ball jacket in Leap of Faith at the St. James Theatre 8 times a week. The show has been reworked since I saw it in Los Angeles, but I'm sure Esparza's performance will be just as mind-blowing. And he hasn't looked this good in years (check out the video below).

I have TWO pairs of tickets to the show to give away. Composer Alan Menken will be represented on Broadway with three musicals this spring--Leap of Faith, Sister Act, and Newsies. To be entered to win tickets, tell me in the comments your favorite Alan Menken score (doesn't have to be one of those three). I'd probably have to go with one of the movies that defined my childhood, The Little Mermaid (let's forget about the unfortunate stage version). For an extra entry, tweet about the contest or retweet one of my tweets about it. (Only one tweet or retweet will count for an extra entry.) You must be following on Twitter to win. One winner will be chosen at random on Friday, March 16 at 5:30 p.m. Please include your e-mail address or Twitter handle in the comments so I have a way to contact you if you win. Good luck!

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The SMASH Reality Index: Episode 5

Inspired by NYMag.com’s brilliant Reality Index recaps, Dave (@NineDaves, www.NineDaves.com) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH.

This week’s episode is titled “Let’s be Bad,” and boy, is everyone acting up. Ivy Lynn (Megan Hilty) is throwing temper tantrums every chance she gets. Leo (Emory Cohen) is smoking weed. Julia (Debra Messing) is cheating on her husband. Karen Cartwright (Katharine McPhee) is having sex in a town car. Theater actors: they’re just like us!

But nobody is behaving as badly as the writers. We hate what they’re doing to our heroine, Ivy Lynn (we use her full name because she’s a STAR). Sure, she’s been totally immature with Derek (Jack Davenport). And there’s no reason for her to be so nasty to Karen. But do they really need to make her into this pathetic mean girl? After all, she’s brilliant as Marilyn. So try as the writers may, we’re still Team Ivy. Karen would be the worst Marilyn ever. She would make a perfect replacement… on the non-equity tour.

The only thing SMASH really did 100% right this week was the “Let’s Be Bad” number. Because when that went on, we stopped writing and talking and just totally fell in love. Plus, we got book and dialogue from Marilyn the Musical. Who knew? We want to see more of that. Though we won’t hold our breath, as next week seems to be all about the “dish hitting the fan.”

In the meantime, here’s how this week’s episode scored on the reality index:

Totally True
• Eileen Rand RVSPs for a MoMA event. No doubt to find the next great Degas.
• There’s a workshop in 13 days and there’s still no final script. Some shows make it to Broadway without a finished script (cough cough, Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark, cough cough)
• Julia can’t get service on her iPhone. She must have AT&T.
• Brasserie! Plus 15.
• Tom is thinking about breaking up with John because he’s a lawyer. “I’m not going to end up with a lawyer.” Gay guys are so picky.
• Once again, we get to see the cast of Marilyn the Musical rehearsing. Are you taking notes, Glee?
• Tom spends his entire date checking his phone and not paying attention to the handsome guy in front of him. Again, gay guys are so picky.
• The Westway Diner! Plus 30!
• Julia doesn’t pick up the phone when it’s a number she doesn’t know. We hear you girl. We got bill collectors too.
• Leo was arrested for smoking weed out of a vaporizer. Plus 10 because if we had a mom like Julia too, we’d need to smoke something. Plus 20 because smoking from a vaporizer is totally a #RichKidProblem.
• The police officer arrests Leo because he was giving her an attitude. NYC police officers don’t fuck around!
• Dating a lawyer comes in handy now, doesn’t it Tom?
• We can see Tom changing his mind about John when John starts showing off. We totally get off on confidence too.
• Of course Karen Cartwright is threatened by the pretty New York Times reporter.
• When Leo is trying to talk to Tom, Tom responds only in song. We expect musical theater composers to be just as obnoxious and adorable.
• Julia calls her date with Michael “a work session.” Mmmhmmm….
• Eileen keeps entering the wrong password. “Why are you torturing me?” she yells. Plus 1,000, because old people get tripped up on technology just as much as we do.
• Ellis butters up to Eileen by helping her with her computer. Because sleeping your way to the top is something that’s hard to do when everyone thinks you're gay.
• Derek Wills makes Karen Cartwright sing “Happy Birthday” as Marilyn in front of everyone. This is totally fucked up and unprofessional and exactly something that an egotistical maniac like Derek would do.
• While grounded, Leo blasts music. Rock music, at that. #RichKidProblems
• Ivy Lynn checks her butt out in the mirror. Plus 10 because we totally do the same thing.
• After acting like a total child, Ivy Lynn tells Karen Cartwright, “I’m a grown-up.” Sure you are, Ivy. Sure you are.
• After acting like a total bitch to Karen Cartwright, Ivy Lynn immediately pretends to be super sweet to the next person who walks in the room. “LAAARRRYYY!!,” she screams, arms outstretched.
• Eileen is pressuring Julia about getting the book finished. When you’re footin’ the bill, you need results.
• Ivy Lynn is over-singing this “Let’s be Bad” number. Just like she probably did “Popular” every night.
• After the “Let’s be Bad” number, the actors hold their poses while Derek, Julia, Tom, Eileen, and crew whisper about them. Then, Derek dismisses everyone without giving them notes. We’ve seen this happen time and time again. Sometimes, it sucks being an actor.
• Leo is on Facebook.
• Leo has a David Bazan poster hanging in his room. Plus 10.
• When asked if he’s smoke weed, Leo responds, “I’m 16 and I live in New York City. Next question.” God, teenagers are assholes.
• Julia tells Leo “it’ll be on your permanent record.” Because that’s the biggest threat that adults can think to give to teenagers.
• Tom throws Michael a bunch of shade about Julia, explaining that she’s dealing with a family issue. “WITH HER FAMILY.”
• Ivy Lynn stars crying when she messes up in rehearsal.
• Karen Cartwright smizes when Ivy Lynn messes up.
• OMG “Let’s be Bad” is amazing. Plus 100!
• After “Let’s be Bad,” Derek walks out of the room without saying anything. What a dick.
• Mr. Biggs! Plus 10!
• The fact that Sam dislikes Tom because Tom is “so gay” is exactly something that “masculine” gay guys do. And we hate it.
• "I’m not that gay, I’m just gay. I don’t think that I should have to wear a banner. “ STFU Sam.
• DEV IS SHIRTLESS! WE REPEAT, DEV IS SHIRTLESS.
• Karen Cartwright is bitching to her boyfriend about Ivy Lynn. And her boyfriend doesn’t care and is not listening and is only thinking about work. Plus 5 because even we’re bored with this nonsense.
• Dev wants to show off his “hot girlfriend” at a party at the Intrepid.
• Karen Catrwright has a book on her bookshelf called Penny Saved. You know her parents bought that for her as a graduation gift.
• Karen Cartwright starts imitating Ivy Lynn in her mirror.
• Karen Cartwright starts singing to herself in the mirror and dancing around her apartment the second her boyfriend leaves.
• Everything Karen Cartwright’s learned about sexy dancing she learned from the Pussycat Dolls.
• After Karen Cartwright finished singing “A Man’s World,” she says to herself in the mirror, “I know what I bring to the party.” Okay Iowa…
• “My mom’s idea of cooking is nuking stuff from Trader Joe's.” That’s technically our idea of cooking too.
• Ivy Lynn shows up drunk on Derek’s doorstep. “You humiliate me when you’re not ignoring me.” Groan. Have some self-respect, Ivy!
• "I know what you came here for," Derek says to Ivy Lynn. We all do Derek. And if we could, we'd be at your doorstep too.
• Derek tells Ivy Lynn, “I’m building something in that rehearsal room, and with all due respect it would be a lot easier if everyone pretended for just 5 minutes to not having those annoying feelings because they get in my way.” Again, it’s all about Derek all the time and we love it.
• “THEATER IS ABOUT FEELINGS.” Yes, Ivy. Yes it is. And we’re feeling that this scene is painful to watch.
• After Derek asks Ivy Lynn, “Are you staying?” Ivy Lynn responds, “Are you asking me to stay?” We roll our eyes 1,000 times, but deep down, we know, like us, Ivy has watched one too many rom coms and totally thinks it’s acceptable to talk like that in real life.
• “Girls in my school are lame.” – Leo, FTW.
• This D.C. guy asks Karen, “What do you say you sing for me back in my hotel, and I buy you room service?” Man, guys are such scumbags.
• SHIRTLESS CHRISTIAN BORLE! WE REPEAT, SHIRTLESS CHRISTIAN BORLE!
• Also, this John guy is also shirtless and ZOMG.
• Tom and John admit to one another that the sex they just had was actually pretty terrible. We would probably be too embarrassed to actually admit that, however we like that an example like this is being shown on primetime television.
• Derek Wills snuck out of bed to work. Work > cuddling with Ivy Lynn
• Leo would totally be spying on his mom like that. As kids, adult conversations are totally fascinating. Especially because you think they’re usually talking about you.
• Only one scene with Ellis this week. Plus a billion.

Oh Hell No!
• No one talks on a blue tooth in traffic in a convertible. Not in NYC.
• Tom and John are eating dinner on their date. Gay guys don’t eat on dates.
• Last episode, Julia couldn’t even look Michael in the eye when she was talking to him. Now she goes out to a diner with him?
• Michael asked Julia, “What’s bigger than love?” Oh God…
• No self-respecting adult woman eats whipped cream with her finger in public.
• Tom just turned down sex with John. Minus 100.
• How many times are they going to recast Julia’s son?
• Leo would have called his father first.
• After rejecting her password, we're pretty sure Eileen would have thrown a drink at her computer.
• RJ is too young to be a New York Times reporter. Like Karen, we “always pictured a fat white guy with bad teeth.”
• Julia tells Leo that he’s “epically grounded.” Then she gives him a hug. Want to know what happened when Dave’s mother caught him smoking weed? He can show you the scars.
• Why is Debra Messing the perpetual fag hag. Minus 100, just because we think she’s better than that.
• Julia tells Tom that she was eating “ice cream and apple pie.” Bitch, we saw you. You were eating whipped cream with your finger.
• Tom leaves John a message, apologizing for fucking up the date. He would have texted. No one calls anyone anymore, let alone leaves messages.
• Sam works in theater and is surprised that someone doesn’t understand sports?
• Leo seems surprised that his arrest might jeopardize the adoption process. Moreover, he seems angry that Julia would be concerned about that. “That’s what you really care about,” he laments. Remember in the second episode when Leo was all about the adoption? Yeah. We do too. Minus 10.
• A bunch of flappers and no mention of Sutton Foster? Hmm…
• The entire cast applauds after they finish performing “Let’s be Bad.” We know what it’s like to feel good about yourself, but seriously?
• Sam’s gay!
• Michael tells Sam that he should wear a rainbow bracelet. Stereotypes like that don’t come from straight guys who work in the theater.
• Karen Cartwright is in her underwear. Sorry NBC. You’re not getting that straight male audience no matter how much of Katharine McPhee’s skin we see.
• We found it unbelievable that RJ would work at the New York Times. We find it even more unbelievable that she’d be an executive editor.
• Leo calls Michael Swift, “Swifty.” If Julia was having an affair with Michael, isn’t it kind of weird that she would allow her son to get super close to him? Also, no 16-year-old would willingly use a nickname that could be so easily identified with Taylor Swift.
• Michael tells Leo, “your mother and I used to smoke a little doobie after dress rehearsal.” First of all, even if that were true, Michael is a father. He would understand the line that needs to exist between kids and their parents. Second of all, we think Julia’s too square to smoke weed. And even if she tried it, we doubt she ever inhaled.
• Julia lives at 428 Carroll Street. That’s technically Gowanus. Like, half a block from the canal. Apartments that nice aren’t in Gowanus. And Julia sure as shit wouldn’t be living right near that cesspool.
• Karen Cartwright’s being awfully confident at this dinner party, huh? It’s amazing what dancing around your apartment in your underwear will do to you. Minus 10.
• Karen Cartwright and Dev make out in the back of a town car. We’re torn on this because on one hand, taking a car anywhere totally turns us on. On the other hand, Karen and Dev seem too boring to actually do something like bang in the back of a car.
• Michael tells Julia that he wants to be with her. He has a kid! WTF!
• Michael just starts singing “A Song for You” on the street. Why is Michael so ridiculous? It’s like he’s on an entirely different show. What is this, Glee?
• The driver from Michael’s car service would have honked his horn when he pulled up.
• Julia would never make out with Michael on her front stoop. You just don’t cheat on your husband in front of the whole neighborhood.
• No Brian d’Arcy James? AGAIN!?!? How long is this chemistry class he’s teaching? Why is he never home?

Broadway Guest Stars
We didn’t see any new Broadway actors this week. Did we miss any?

How'd we do this week? Weigh in in the comments section!

Contest: Win Tickets To Nice Work If You Can Get It

Update: The contest is now closed. Unsurprisingly, most of your nice work if you can get its somehow involve theater. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. The winner was picked at random from all the entries. Congratulations Cassidy! If you didn't win, check back here on Monday for another contest.

Spring is almost here and with it comes new Broadway shows, like Nice Work If You Can Get It, a new musical comedy using the music and lyrics of George and Ira Gershwin (that's enough to get me to the theater). It is directed by Kathleen Marshall (Anything Goes) and stars Matthew Broderick as wealthy playboy Jimmy Winter, who falls in love with bootlegger Billie Bendix (Kelli O'Hara) on the weekend of his wedding. Estelle Parsons also stars.

I am very excited to give away a pair of tickets to the show. The song "Nice Work If You Can Get It" refers to falling in love ("Holding hands at midnight 'neath a starry sky.") To be entered to win tickets, tell me in the comments what you think would be nice work, if only you could get it. For an extra entry, tweet about the contest or retweet one of my tweets about it. (Only one tweet or retweet will count for an extra entry.) You must be following on Twitter to win. One winner will be chosen at random on Friday, March 9 at 6 p.m. Please include your e-mail address or Twitter handle in the comments so I have a way to contact you if you win. Good luck!

And if you don't win, here is a discount code for up to 40% off (Nice deal if you can get it–-and you can get it if you order by April 23!):

Mon Eve, Tue Eve, Wed Mat & Eve, Thur Eve

$79-89 Orch/Fr. Mezz, Rear Mezz A-C (reg. $121.50 - $136.50)

$69 Rear Mezz D-F, Side Rows A-C (reg. $86.50)

Valid for performances March 29 – April 23

VISIT BroadwayOffers.com or CALL 212-947-8844 and use code NWEML31 Or bring this offer to the box office, beginning March 1st.

Nick Jonas May Steal the Most Adorable Man on Broadway Title From Jerry O'Connell

It's too bad that Broadway Talks With Jordan Roth: Nick Jonas at 92Y wasn't sold out tonight, because I believe everyone in the auditorium would have bought a ticket to see him in How To Succeed On Business Without Really Trying. That's how charming Nick Jonas was (not unlike his predecessor Daniel Radcliffe). Roth, president of Jujamcyn Theaters, is a better interviewer than many professional journalists, and the evening was full of memorable moments. Here is a quick rundown of what I took away from the evening:
-I don't know when it happened, but Nick Jonas went from being the serious Jonas Brother, to being a totally hilarious and talkative young man. He joked with the audience and went off on some delightful tangents.
-Nick Jonas fans are possibly the loudest in the world. The auditorium was not as full as it was for the Daniel Radcliffe and Billie Joe Armstrong talks, and yet it sounded like there were 10 times as many people. I could have done without the screams and "aaahs" after everything he said, but I must admitted, his fans are pretty adorable. At one point he mentioned Elvis Costello and everyone cheered. He is pretty vocal about his Elvis Costello fandom, and I love that he has turn all his fans into Elvis Costello fans. I was possibly the only non-tween or teen there aside from the mothers.
-Speaking of adorable fan moments, when asked about roles he'd like to tackle on Broadway, he said Frankie Valli and sang a little "My Eyes Adored You." He also said Fiyero and mentioned some of his favorite songs from the show ("For Good," "Defying Gravity," and "As Long As Your Mine.") When asked to sing some "As Long As You're Mine," he said he needed someone to sing the other part, and most of the audience leapt from their seats to be chosen, but none more enthusiastically than the girl sitting across the aisle from me, who I thought might pass out. In the end, he ended up singing a little of it on his own.
-Jonas has some other Broadway aspirations in his five year plan. He would like to originate a role on Broadway, be involved in the Tonys somehow (he didn't want to be too specific as he didn't want to assume he'd be good enough to win one), and WRITE A BROADWAY MUSICAL.
-Some of his Broadway idols are Kristen Chenoweth, Stephen Schwartz, and...wait for it... ADAM PASCAL. This obviously made me love Jonas a million times more.
-Jonas is fascinated by aliens. I am clearly not a true fan because I didn't already know this.
-Jonas is a big fan of Love Never Dies and had a lot of very nice things to say about Ramin Karimloo. He wouldn't sing "Til I Hear You Sing" because he didn't think he could do it justice.
-He likes to prepare for How to Succeed... by singing Les Misérables. All the parts. I demand that he record this.
-There were quite a few SMASH shoutouts as both he and Roth have made guest appearances. Jonas mentioned that he thinks the show is a realistic portrayal of Broadway. I hope he reads our reality index.

The SMASH Reality Index: Episode 4

Inspired by NYMag.com’s brilliant Reality Index recaps, Dave (@NineDaves, www.NineDaves.com) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH.

In episode 4 of SMASH, the writers really want us to focus on “The Cost of Art.” After all, that’s the name of the episode. Eileen Rand (Anjelica Huston) is still looking for investors, it’s the first week of rehearsals and Ivy Lynn (Megan Hilty) still isn’t sure whether sleeping with Derek earned her the part, and Karen Cartwright (Katherine McPhee) just wants to fit in.

But while everybody seemed to battle their own inner demons, we were just focused on Nick Jonas. Seriously guys, did you see him playing the piano and singing “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet”? Swoon.

Maybe that’s why this was our favorite episode so far. It also helps that we’re loving how Marilyn the Musical is shaping up, particularly the musical numbers (that “I Never Met A Wolf Who Didn’t Love To Howl” number was solid). Still, there was a lot to pick apart. So without further ado, let’s tackle the reality index:

Totally True
• We like to think Broadway “chorus” members aren’t that nasty to their fellow performers, but they probably are.
• Julia and Michael’s awkward banter is totally plausible. Have you ever had to work with an ex before? Holy uncomfortable Batman.
• Tom greets Michael with a big hug and a smile, as if everything is totally okay and he knows nothing at all about Michael’s torrid affair with Julia. That’s what gay best friends are for.
• It’s not even noon and Eileen Rand is fighting about money.
• Ivy Lynn walks into rehearsal wearing a scarf. Because Broadway actresses always wear scarves.
• Derek tells us “the book is totally in flux.” Of course it is. Because as far as we can see, there isn’t a book!
• “The road to Broadway is exceedingly long.” This is true. We’re still waiting for Yank!. Although if your show is called Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown and you’ve cast three Tony Award winners and a bunch of other Broadway superstars, things seem to move a little bit faster.
• “Nobody’s anybody until we start rehearsing.” This egotistical, over-the-top bullshit is exactly something Derek would shout at a first rehearsal. We’re surprised he hasn’t said, “There’s a 100 other performers out there who would DIE to be in this room right now…”
• We love love LOVE that they’re singing “Twentieth Century Mambo” again. Because when you put on a Broadway show, you don’t just perform the numbers once. We hope SMASH keeps repeating songs like this.
• See Glee? Real professionals rehearse their performance numbers.
• Ivy Lynn throws Karen Cartwright a whole bunch of shade at the first rehearsal.
• A How to Succeed… poster is hanging in Eileen Rand’s office. As if Nick Jonas being in this episode wasn’t advertisement enough. We see how that contract negotiation went.
• Bonus points for that How to Succeed… poster being of Daniel Radcliffe.
• Eileen has a real Degas hanging in her office.
• Eileen casually mentions said Degas.
• We find it totally realistic that Eileen is drinking at her office. She’s like a female Don Draper.
• We find it even more realistic that Julia would be impressed that she’s drinking at the office. Sure beats that Chinese baby adoption happening at home, huh?
• One of the ensemble members gets pissed when he’s referred to as a member of the chorus. Nice callback to episode 3!
• Derek Wills would totally still be championing the fact that he “discovered” Lyle West. Even if that’s completely false.
• Sam and the rest of the ensemble refer to Derek as “The Dark Lord. Sauron himself.” As we learned last week, “The theater is high school.”
• While we don’t believe that Julia would be the book writer (see below), we’re happy that we FINALLY have identified one.
• Karen Cartwright asks her fellow ensemble member, “Are the numbers still there in the theater?” Not only is this something that would totally happen, but it’s also something some of us (aka Dave) wondered too.
• Bobby and Karen Cartwright get cut from the U.S.O. number and Bobby immediately blames Karen.
• Dave freaks out because that scene between Karen and her boyfriend, and that scene between Julia and Tom were filmed by his office and he saw it all and OMG.
• In episode 2, Dev lost his shit when Karen Cartwright couldn’t make dinner. Now, he won’t get off the phone for five minutes. And she doesn’t mind. BECAUSE SHE’S A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PEOPLE WORK.
• “So it’s like high school? You try and look like everyone else?” “Exactly!” Plus 100.
• How to Succeed… commercial starring Nick Jonas. Linda faints and Plus 1,000,000,000
• “I didn’t even pull half a diva.” Because Ivy Lynn knows what pulling a full diva is like.
• “And trust me – they never would have cut her just to make me feel better.” We totally agree, Ivy Lynn. See below!
• Ivy Lynn’s Zac Posen dress is second hand. “I think it’s only be worn once. And the zipper still works and everything.” Because even though she’s Marilyn, she’s still a chorus girl in her bank account.
• Nick Jonas singing Michael Bublé. Plus 100!
• Ivy Lynn has the same love-struck expression on her face as Linda does when Nick Jonas sings. #love
• “Would you like to see the bedrooms?” YES NICK JONAS, YES.
• I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE – Linda
• Tom’s date mentions that he checked Tom out online first. Bonus points for being a star fucker.
• The waitress tells Eileen that she’s “an actress and a dancer.” To which Eileen replies, “Not now, sweetheart.” Best moment in the show yet?
• Ellis introduces his girlfriend as his “friend.” Because you know he’s trying to play that gay angle with Tom.
• Nick Jonas has learned how to smile and look at people when he’s acting. That’s an improvement from Jonas, Jonas L.A., Camp Rock, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, and Les Misérables in Concert: The 25th Anniversary.
• We like to think that Broadway actors are always performing in their apartments, throwing impromptu dance parties and singing songs.
• Little Lyle automatically starts negotiating with Eileen, which we love.
• We find it believable that Julia would have joined in that “I Never Met a Wolf Who Didn’t Love to Howl” number just as we find it believable that Marc Shaiman sang “Good Morning Baltimore” a few times with Marissa Jaret Winokur.
• The waitress is now a part of the big performance number. SHE SAID SHE WAS A DANCER.
• You know in her mind, that waitress was like, “Finally! My big break!”
• We love Nick Jonas’ face when he thinks he’s going to get some. Must be all those years of wearing a purity ring.
• Dev is in charge of the press office, so he’s always on the phone. We know people who work for the press office. This is sadly true.
• Jessica calls Karen Cartwright “Iowa.” Plus 50.
• We buy that Ivy Lynn would be totally jealous of Derek’s flirting. We also buy that she would put her self esteem aside to fuck him while a party is going on in his apartment.
• “Then go back to the chorus. There’s nothing safe about being a star.” Derek Wills, you badass motherfucker.

Oh Hell No!
• Debra Messing went a little bit too much Grace in that bit with Will. We mean, Tom.
• There’s no way Ivy would have gotten entrance applause for walking into a first reading. This isn’t Private Lives.
• Not sure we believe Ivy was in Chicago 10 years ago. She would have been a little young to be a merry murderess. Plus, her boobs are too big for that show.
• No one eats in Times Square.
• Especially not on those outside tables.
• Karen Cartwright shouldn’t be so surprised that Derek and Ivy slept together. Didn’t Derek try to do that to her in the first episode? Did we imagine that?
• Apparently Julia is the book writer? Wouldn’t there have been more discussion about that early on?
• As much as Ivy Lynn hates Karen Cartwright, it seems strange that the entire production team would cut Karen from numbers that quickly.
• And we doubt that Karen would throw a temper tantrum and storm out of the room when she was cut from a number. Don’t you have to be there even when you’re not rehearsing? Don’t you WANT to be there?
• Jessica wouldn’t have gone from being Karen Cartwright’s enemy to being Karen Cartwright’s bestie that quickly.
• How did struggling actress and part-time waitress Karen Cartwright afford all these clothes?
• And damn you, SMASH, for not giving us a full makeover montage set to “I Feel Pretty.” What, did Sondheim not give you the rights?
• No mention of Michael Urie in the new How to Succeed… commercial. Minus 50.
• Sam is talking about baseball and reading a Sports Illustrated.
• Karen Cartwright’s apartment is too nice for a struggling actress and a guy who works for the Mayor’s office.
• Everyone at that party is just standing around watching him perform. You know there’d at least be someone in the corner, tweeting.
• Ivy Lynn compliments Derek’s place, but mentions nothing about the gas leak. Surely she would have brought that up.
• Guys that pretty aren’t single. They also don’t go on blind dates. Set up by their mothers.
• Lyle would never be hiding all alone in that apartment. No matter how much he felt like he had to be “on.” Some tramp would be all up in that business.
• The entire creative team and lead actors of Marilyn the Musical show up to the party at the exact same time.
• A party like this seems like an inappropriate time to debut a whole new number from a new musical. This isn’t Merrily We Roll Along. #GoodThingGoing #GussieForever
• No matter how talented those musicians are, we find it highly unlikely that they would pick up that entire song so well.
• We also doubt that Ivy Lynn would be off book that fast.
• Is Christian Borle auditioning for Million Dollar Quartet? Minus 10.
• Tom’s blind date is sitting right in the front of the room during that performance. He would have standing towards the back.
• Lyle knows the words!
• Ellis would not have been allowed to join in that number. Julia would have pushed him out so fast…
• Derek would not be hitting on another girl, right when a number from the show he was directing was being performed for an investor.
• Damn you Eileen Rand. You prevented us from a Nick Jonas sex scene, and we will forever hate you for that.
• Tom wouldn’t be just playing the piano while his blind date aimlessly wandered the apartment of a party he wasn’t really invited to in the first place.
• “Let’s show them what the chorus looks like.” Um, don’t you mean the ENSEMBLE! God Bobby – shouldn’t you have corrected her?
• In NYC, there aren’t just bars where you can get up on stage and perform a dance number without at least having to fight off a drag queen or a bachelorette party first.
• Also, if ever a performance like that DID spontaneously happen at a bar in NYC, the patrons of said bar wouldn’t just stop what they were doing to watch. Or applaud!
• Last week, Karen couldn’t pick up any dance numbers. Now, she’s miraculously picked up this complicated dance routine and is performing it at a bar.
• Karen Cartwright starts singing and is apparently fully mic’ed.
• Ivy Lynn and Derek wouldn’t go upstairs to fuck with all those people still in his apartment.
• No Brian D’Arcy James in this episode. We cry 100 tears.

Broadway Guest Stars
Obviously, our favorite How to Succeed… replacement Nick Jonas is all over this episode. We also spotted Avenue Q’s Christmas Eve Ann Harada as the stage manager. Leap of Faith’s Leslie Odom Jr. played Ivy’s bestie from her Chicago days. Passing Strange’s Eisa Davis showed up again as Eileen Rand’s lawyer. And Karen Cartwright has two new fairy godmothers in Rock of Ages’s Wesley Taylor and Savannah Wise.

What do you guys think? Did we miss anything?

Rated P For Parenthood Talkback

Rated P For Parenthood is a new musical of vignettes about being a parent from birth to college (watch one of them in the video above). On Tuesday night, I attended a blogger night for the show, which opens on February 29. Everybody, not just the bloggers, was invited to stay for the talkback with creator Sandy Rustin, composers/lyricists Dan Lipton and David Rossmer, and the cast--Courtney Balan, Chris Hoch, David Josefsberg, and Joanna Young, each in multiple roles. The talkback was in not only for the audience to learn more about the show, but for the creators to hear what was working and what wasn't. It always refreshing when creative teams value feedback from the audience and this show in particular seems to be really utilizing talkbacks, which they've had throughout the process, beginning with the reading 18 months ago. Here's what we discussed:

The show's origins: Rustin has two little boys. On the oldest's first day of pre-school, she wrote what would later become "Prayer for Ellie," which you can actually listen to here. This gave her the initial idea, and she began to write more sketches about parenthood, eventually signing on her college friend Lipton and Rossmer.

Improv inspiration: The creators come from an improv background and though the show is fully scripted, Lipton says they were trying to bottle that spirit into the show.

Changes to the musical: The show used to include birthday numbers between vignettes to alert the audience about the age of the child, but they decided the audience didn't need these cues. Bravo for trusting the audience.

Soccer coaches: In one scene in the show, moms take their kids to soccer practice and lust after the British soccer coach. This was actually inspired by Super Soccer Stars in Manhattan, which is apparently full of young British coaches. I will keep this in mind if I ever raise kids in Manhattan.

Audience Rewards

Happy Friday! I just wanted to share some information about a program I'm sure many of you are familiar with, Audience Rewards. Audience Rewards is the Official Rewards Program of Broadway. You can earn additional points by answering trivia questions (my favorite way to earn points) and buying theater tickets. Points can be redeemed for tickets, cast albums, and more. For those who aren't already signed up for the program, you can get 500 points just for joining. Also, if you register by March 1, you'll be entered to win tickets to see Evita (starring Ricky Martin!).

The SMASH Reality Index: Episode 3

I'm very excited to team up with NineDaves (follow him on Twitter @NineDaves) to bring you the SMASH Reality Index. Here's a little explanation from Dave about how this came about:

One of my favorite things to ever exist on the Internet has to be NYMag.com’s “Reality Index” Gossip Girl recaps, in which Jessica Pressler and Chris Rovzar sifted through each episode of Gossip Girl and pointed out the things that are totally plausible and totally ridiculous in the real world. They’re seriously amazing, and even though Chris Rovzar has moved on to crazy amazing things, Jessica Pressler has continued on and created one of the most constantly funny recaps out there (Seriously. Check the archives. They’re fantastic).

When SMASH premiered on NBC two weeks ago, I found myself wondering why NYMag.com wasn’t doing “Reality Index” recaps of SMASH. After all, the show is completely ripe for the format. And they had extended the column to do “Reality Index” recaps of Bored to Death, so they were obviously fine with expanding the franchise. Apparently, I wasn’t alone. Fellow theater blogger/tweeter/enthusiast Linda Buchwald was also wondering where the column was. And as we discussed why this wasn’t happening, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to make something great happen.

So here we are, doing our own take on the ‘Reality Index’ column. We’re doing some things different here. For one, we’re not really rewarding points (though some things are just so exciting, we don’t know what to do but throw bonus points on them). You also won’t see us adding up points, or picking a true/false winner. Mainly because we’re bad at math. But we will have a few exciting additions – including a roundup of Broadway actors floating around in guest-starring roles. Because between Law & Order: SVU, The Good Wife, and A Gifted Man, we love that we can still see Broadway actors without leaving our couches.

Oh, and the same column will be posted both here and on Dave’s site. So we’ve got you doubly covered!

Anyway, enough description! Here’s the first column. They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Hopefully they (and you) will love it.

Totally True
• Derek has sex on his back. This makes sense as he's completely egotistical and probably totally lazy.
• After sex with Ivy, Derek moves immediately into talking about his work. I (Dave) have slept with a few theater people before. Trust me: this always happens. 
• “It could take five years for Marilyn to get to the stage." Finally real talk about how long it takes to make a Broadway show. 
• Bruno Mars songs are being used in a rock opera. It's like Rent meets American Idiot. With scaffolding. And Twyla Tharp choreography. We’re actually shocked this isn't real.
• Karen Cartwright's co-worker tells Karen, "Don't call it the chorus, call it the ensemble. But if you ask me, that's like calling garbage men sanitation workers." This is exactly something that non-theater people would say.
• Will Chase is playing trains with a 2-year-old kid. This is how we always imagine him in our minds. 
• Ellis is drinking beer on a rooftop in Brooklyn. Yeah, that makes sense. 
• Julia is talking about what Marilyn and Joe DiMaggio want. Every show needs an I Want song.
• After Ellis' friends convinced him he has some claim on this idea, he steals Julia's notebook so that he can most likely blackmail her in the future. While I'd like to think that anyone with a brain wouldn't do something so stupid, as to not completely destroy any chance he/she would have for working in this industry in the future, this does seem like something Ellis would do. After all, he's a social-climbing narcissist. A perfect product of the Facebook generation. See what you've done, internet!?!
• We appreciate that SMASH recognized that Karen Cartwright's father shaved his face between the pilot and this episode. 
• "We'll see you at Vintage." PLUS 15
• "The theater is high school." PLUS 100
• Eileen and Jerry would certainly be having this public of a fight in front of everyone at a popular restaurant. Have you ever been to Sardi's? You overhear that shit all the time. 
• "It's show business. In shows people sleep together. It happens." Yes Julia, that is true. Don’t believe us? Google “Christian Borle Sutton Foster Laura Bell Bundy.”
• Ivy Lynn did a year in Wicked. Most likely as a swing and Glinda's understudy. Bonus points because Megan Hilty actually did a year in Wicked.
• Karen Cartwright goes to a baby shower in the basement of a bar. Where everyone (including the pregnant girl) is holding a bottle of beer. Welcome to Iowa! 
• Karen Cartwright sings "Redneck Women" at said bar in Iowa. Which apparently also has karaoke. 
• The rest of Karen Cartwright's friends join her on stage during "Redneck Women." Baby showers are the new bachelorette parties. 
• Ivy Lynn wants to know why she and Derek never go to his place. You smell that girls? That's desperation.  
• Derek's story about not having gas in his apartment seems like a lie, but if we were sleeping with him, we'd want to believe it too.
• Julia had an affair with Michael because "He was SO good in our show. And you know what a huge turn-on that is." We find this completely plausible because we get show crushes every week. Raúl Esparza, Cheyenne Jackson, Colin Donnell, Gavin Creel, Will Swenson, Jeremy Jordan, Steve Kazee, Norbet Leo Butz, Michael Esper... 
• Ellis is listening at the door ALL THE TIME. It's like he's in Downton Abbey or something.
• Karen Cartwright accepts money from her dad! 
• "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is perfect. Forget everything wrong with this show. This song rocks!

Oh Hell No!
• Eileen Rand buys a pair of knock-off earrings that were inspired by the ones Marilyn wore in The Seven Year Itch. There's no way she'd buy costume jewelry. 
• Dev would have never showed up at the bar to meet Derek. He specifically wouldn't have called Derek "the great director," even if he were just fucking with him. 
• This week’s episode shows us Bonnie & Clyde and Private Lives marquees. Oh, and a very prominently placed posted for Catch Me If You Can. Last week, we saw marquees for On A Clear Day You Can See Forever. The week before that, Wonderland. When will we see a marquee for a show that’s actually running on Broadway?
• Eileen threw a drink in her ex husband's face. We find it hard to believe she would have wasted a fine beverage like that. 
• A Bruno Mars show at LaMama? Please. This show, which looks like Rent redux, is total New World Stages fare.
• Is Derek reading a Playbill after the Bruno Mars show? They don't have Playbills at La Mama.
• Any unemployed actor would jump at the chance to be in a workshop of a huge musical. And any friend/co-worker  would support their friend to go into a huge show. The fact that Karen Cartwright is debating this - and even listening to her co-worker at all - is just ridiculous.  
• Karen Cartwright is an unemployed actor with a shitty waitressing job. There's no way she'd go all the way home to Iowa for a baby shower. 
• Tom and Julia wouldn't be writing all this music without consulting a book writer by now. Put down the index cards!
• Eileen says, "I'm so tired of revivals. Aren't you?" No Eileen. Never. And we’re pretty sure the 500 productions of Gypsy we’ve seen say producers aren’t either.
• "The people who are writing it are the top New York composers." We know Memphis doesn't exist in the world of SMASH, but does Stephen Sondheim not exist either?
• It costs $200,000 to put up a workshop? We don't know much about the business of theater, but we’re guessing that's a little high. 
• The fact that Eileen's soon-to-be-ex-husband is not involved wouldn't be a deal-breaker for getting investors. The fact that her show doesn't have a book writer probably would though...
• Ellis, while drinking beer on the rooftop of an apartment in Brooklyn, turned down the offer to take a drag off his friend's cigarette. Go to Williamsburg right now and see if that happens.  
• Ellis has sex with a girl. This may be the most unbelievable thing so far. Minus 1,000,000,000.
• It's ridiculous that Michael is even toying with the idea of not accepting this Joe DiMaggio role. And his wife certainly wouldn't be so nice about it. "GET A FUCKING JOB" sounds more like it.   
• Come on Dennis. You wouldn't throw Ivy under the bus like that by spilling the fact that she was sleeping with Derek. At least, not until you made it to the second date with Tom. 
• And are we supposed to really believe that Tom hasn't fucked a chorus boy here and there? Again, minus 1,000,000,000.
• This bar is way too pretty to be a bar in Iowa.  
• Giant stuffed animals are actually really expensive. All we've heard about this episode is how Karen Cartwright has no money and won't accept any from her perfect boyfriend, so how did she afford it?
• Also, if there were karaoke happening at this bar, there would at least be a screen that shows the fucking lyrics. 
• And this is the second week in a row with country music in our musical theater show. Is this secretly Pure Country – The Musical?
• Brian D'Arcy James was in two seconds of this episode. Let's never let this happen again.

Broadway Guest Stars
Nadia Quinn, Rebecca Naomi Jones, and Jenni Barber play Karen's Ohio friends. Though it killed us that they kept referring to her as "Broadway Baby." Producer Manny Azenberg met with Eileen Rand. Michelle Federer showed up as Michael’s wife. Oh, and Condola Rashad is Ellis’ girlfriend. Plus, did you see Karine Plantadit in that Bruno Mars musical? RIDICULOUS.

What do you guys think? Did we miss anything?

Happy Salentine's Day

On February 13, I celebrated Salentine's Day at Joe's Pub, so named for the musical being performed that night, Salamander Leviathan by Krista Knight and Barry Brinegar. The show debuted at UCSD's Baldwin New Play Festival on April 15th, 2011 and has been performed at other venues since, including Ars Nova for "Saloween."
Salamander Leviathan (Ben Beckley) lives in Black River Falls, Wisconsin in the year 1890. Although he is wealthy, he is the loneliest man in the world, and he makes a deal with the Devil (Stephen Stout), selling his soul in exchange for a wife and child. Gracie (Emily Perkins), who performs an act with her twin sister Vickie (Ali Scaramella), sees Salamander's personal ad and her controlling lover Otto (David Skeist) sends her off to get Salamander's fortune. The story goes in some genuinely surprising directions and is inventively enhanced with old school style video game graphics (by Barry Brinegar).

Director Jess Chayes makes fine use of the smalll stage, considering the large size of the talented cast and band (Barry Brinegar on guitar, Josh Ehrlich on keyboard, James Kraft on drums, Dave Schottland on bass, and Valerie Steinberg and Sara Pauley on vocals). I was especially impressed with the score, described as "casio-pop" music and including elements of vaudeville. A highlight was a cute duet--"I Like U (I Like U More)"--performed by Salamander and the Devil (who, it turns out, is pretty much a sweetheart). Everyone involved in the production is now on my radar, and I look forward to seeing more from them in the future.

Playwrights Horizons Gets Hip

Assistance at Playwrights Horizons may be the hippest play off-Broadway right now. It has a hot young cast, writer (Leslye Headland), and director (Trip Cullman), a sleek set, pulsating music, and funny, fast-paced dialogue. My friend over at Tapeworthy commented that it would make a good TV show, and I completely agree. Even the trailer below (avoid if you're worried about spoilers) feels ready for primetime.


Daniel Korins' pitch-perfect set grounds you in the downtown New York office environment immediately. The play takes place over the course of a few years at the office of Daniel Weisinger, the abusive boss who we never see. Nick (Michael Esper) is the one constant as assistants rotate in and out. In the first scene, Vince (Lucas Near-Verbugghe) is moving to his new office after a promotion, prepping Nick to take over as head assistant. Nora (Virginia Kull), working her way up the corporate ladder in her dreams of becoming the next Daniel, is starting her first day on the job, and the hope is that she will eventually take over for Nick when he gets his promotion. We never find out what Daniel does, which makes sense because if Headland had specified, the play might become more about a particular industry, but at the same time, it would have been nice to have some insight into why these people torture themselves working for such an awful person and still look up to him. The play doesn't really tread new ground--stories about horrible bosses have been done--and yet it the more I think about it, the more I want to see it again. There are so many conversations that ring true, such as when coworkers start to get silly in the late hours and it is so much fun to watch the cast in these moments, Esper especially, once again proving to be one of the most magnetic actors of his age. Sue Jean Kim as the spastic Heather and Bobby Steggert as mentally unstable Justin don't appear in many scenes, but they each deliver a memorable, show-stopping monologue. Amy Rosoff as the seemingly self-assurred Jenny stuns in the play's final scene. I won't reveal the coup de theatre here, but let's just say it's reason enough to see Assistance.

For a discount code to Assistance, click here.

Photo credit: Joan Marcus

Note: The production officially opens on February 28, but I was invited to a preview and asked to post my thoughts.

Contest: Win Tickets to Silence! The Musical

Update: The contest is now closed. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. Congratulations @carlient!

If you didn't win my last contest for tickets to Silence! The Musical--The Unauthorized Parody of The Silence of The Lambs at The 9th Space Theatre at Performance Space 122, you're in luck. I have another pair of tickets to give away--just in time for Valentine's Day.

To be entered to win, tweet about the contest or retweet one of my tweets about it. The winner will be chosen at random on Friday, February 17 at 6 p.m. You must be following on Twitter to win. Good luck!

And here is a special offer for discount tickets to the show:
For $39 tickets (reg.$59) on Mondays & Tuesdays*, use code HHCGEN39

For $44 tickets (reg.$59) Thursdays, Fridays & Sundays, use code HHCGEN44

1- CLICK HERE or visit SilenceTheMusical.com and enter appropriate code. Please select the REGULAR SEATS (FBI HEADQUARTERS) section on the online seating chart.

2- Call 212-352-3101 and use appropriate code above.

3- Bring a print out of this offer to The 9th Space Theatre at P.S. 122, 150 First Avenue. Box office is open for walk-up sales. Box Office Hours can be found on show’s website.

*Please note: No Monday or Tuesday night performances beginning in March. Check website for new schedule.

RESTRICTIONS: Offer valid through 5/6/12. Offer may be revoked at anytime and is subject to availability. Not valid for Saturday night performances. Not valid on prior purchase. Offer cannot be combined with other discounts or promotions; blackout dates and restrictions may apply. Maximum of 4 tickets total with offer.

A Reason to Stay In or Trek To Brooklyn

I want to thank The Gallery Players--that hidden gem on 14th Street in Park Slope--for introducing me to A Man of No Importance. This is the first New York revival of this lovely musical, which premiered in 2002 at the Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater at Lincoln Center.

The man of no importance is Alfie Byrne (Charlie Owens), a bus conductor in 1964 Dublin whose passion is the theater. He directs plays in a church hall and his latest is Oscar Wilde's Salome. He lives with his sister Lily (Renee Claire Bergeron), who keeps hoping he'll get married. What she doesn't know, what nobody knows, is that he is gay, and in love with bus driver Robbie Faye (vocal standout Eric Morris). Terrence McNally's book (based on the 1994 film) is about a man coming to terms with his sexuality, but it's also about the power of community and art.

Owens has a quiet grace about him in his touching performance as Alfie, but this is a true ensemble piece in which everybody pulls their weight. Director Hans Friedrichs understands this and uses the space and his cast to great effect. A lot of actors do double duty as part of the band, and the musicians sit all around the stage, engulfing the audience with Stephen Flaherty's Irish-inspired score (lyrics by Lynn Ahrens, musical direction by Julianne Merrill). I was unfamiliar with the music, but I need to buy the cast album immediately so I can listen to those soaring melodies again.

Performances are Thursdays through Sundays through February 19. But I wouldn't wait to get tickets. At the performance I attended there was a waiting list to get in, and it was only the first weekend.
Pictured (l to r): Megan Opalinski, Eric Morris, Spencer Robinson, Charlie Owens, Adam Kee, Eric William Love and Rachel Green in The Gallery Players’ A Man of No Importance. Photo by Bella Muccari.

The Kids Are Alright in Russian Transport

If you've been following this blog, you may know that I watch a lot of Disney Channel. Phil of the Future, which ran from 2004 to 2006, was not my favorite (although it seems like a masterpiece compared to some of the latest Disney Channel shows), but it starred the likable Ricky Ullman. As Raviv Ullman (his birth name), he is making his off-Broadway debut in Russian Transport by Erika Sheffer and directed by Scott Elliott. The play also stars Janeane Garofalo, but it was Ullman that was the big draw for me and if this play is remembered for anything, I hope its for launching his New York theater career. He and Sarah Steele (wonderful in Speech and Debate) give memorable turns in an intriguing, if ultimately unsatisfying play at The New Group.

Ullman plays Alex, a teenager growing up in Brooklyn with his Russian immigrant parents, Diana (Garofalo, at times over-the-top, but mostly balancing the comic relief and role as stern matriarch) and Misha (a quietly compelling Daniel Oreskes), and his 14-year-old sister Mira (Steele). Alex has to work a job at Verizon plus help out at his father's car service to help his family pay the bills. He also sells dime bags to earn a little cash for himself. When Diana's brother Boris (an appropriately menacing and alluring Morgan Spector) comes to stay, what starts off as a family dramedy becomes a story about the sex trade. Boris asks Alex to do some work for him, but when Alex realizes that work involves picking up innocent young girls from the airport (all played by Steele), he is torn between money and doing the right thing. Ullman and Steele convincingly portray obnoxious teenagers making bad decisions while getting at their vulnerability and fear. Sheffer has written some believable dialogue, especially between arguing teen siblings. She's also mixed Russian and English, usually effectively except in one scene between Diana and Boris. (Why would they be speaking English to each other and not Russian?) But though individual scenes are strong, they don't quite make a cohesive whole and the play ends on an unresolved note.

Photo credit: Monique Carboni

Contest: Win Tickets To How To Succeed... Now Starring Nick Jonas

Update: The contest is now closed. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. I loved reading all your bow tie ideas. The winners were selected randomly from all the entries. Congratulations bbwithbickles and Ali!

Nick Jonas is the latest J. Pierrepont Finch in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying at the Hirschfeld Theatre. Though you may know him as 1/3 of the Jonas Brothers, he got his start in Broadway in shows like Beauty in the Beast and Les Misérables. I for one can't wait to see him. Check out how good he sounds in this clip from the show:


I am very excited to have two pairs of tickets to give away to the show, which also now stars Michael Urie as Bud Frump. In this revival, every Finch gets his own bow tie color (blue for Daniel Radcliffe, purple for Darren Criss, and green for Nick Jonas). So to be entered to win tickets, tell me in the comments which color bow tie you would want to wear if you were cast as Finch. Feel free to get creative--it doesn't have to be one of the three. For an extra entry, tweet about the contest or retweet one of my tweets about it. (Only one tweet or retweet will count for an extra entry.) You must be following on Twitter to win. One winner will be chosen at random on Friday, February 3 at 6 p.m. Please include your e-mail address or Twitter handle in the comments so I have a way to contact you if you win. Good luck!

And if you just can't wait until then to get tickets, here is a discount code for nearly 40% off:

Now through February 29 get $77 tickets (reg. $132) Orchestra/Front Mezz

Beginning March 1 through April 1 get $87 tickets (reg. $132) Orchestra/Front Mezz

Use code HSFAN105 at Broadwayoffers.com

*Restrictions and blackout dates may apply. Can not be combined with any offer. Offer may be revoked at anytime.

Finally, here is a super adorable video of Jonas and his family watching his billboard unveiling:

Two Ways to See Michael Esper and Bobby Steggert on the Cheap

Two of my favorite young actors, Michael Esper and Bobby Steggert, will be starring in Assistance at Playwrights Horizons starting on February 4. The satire about a group of young assistants also stars Sue Jean Kim, Virginia Kull, Lucas Near-Verbrugghe, and Amy Rosoff. It is written by Leslye Headland and directed by Trip Cullman, whose previous collaboration was Bachelorette. I won't be reviewing the show for a few weeks yet, but I wanted to share two discount opportunities now because I know some of you will be wanting to see this.

If you are 30 and under, all tickets are $25 for the February 16 performance, followed by a 30 and under party. Use code PARTY and order here. Proof of age required at the door.

And here's a discount good for all ages:

Regular run: February 3-March 11
Tues 7, Wed-Fri at 8, Sat at 2:30 & 8, Sun at 2:30 & 7:30
Additional Monday evening perf February 27 at 7

Order by Feb. 21 and use the code HELPMEBLOG
$40 (reg. $70) for all performances Feb 3-19
$50 (reg. $70) for all other performances Feb 21-Mar 11

Online
Call Ticket Central at (212) 279-4200 Noon to 8PM daily
In Person: Ticket Central Box Office, 416 W. 42nd Street between 9th & 10th Avenues

Contest: Win Tickets To Godspell

Update: The contest is now closed. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. The winner was selected randomly from all the entries. Congratulations Caryn! If you didn't win, I have another exciting contest coming up on Monday.

Prepare ye...to win some tickets to Godspell. The revival of the Stephen Schwartz musical is currently playing at the Circle in the Square Theatre. In honor of the new Tuesday Night Talkbacks featuring a different performer every week, I'm giving away a pair of tickets to see the show.

Tell me in the comments which Tuesday Night Talkback you'd most like to attend and why. (It can be one that already happened. The winner will be able to choose from a number of performances via voucher.) For an extra entry, tweet about the contest or retweet one of my tweets about it. (Only one tweet or retweet will count for an extra entry.) You must be following on Twitter to win. One winner will be chosen at random on Friday, January 27 at 6 p.m. Please include your e-mail address or Twitter handle in the comments so I have a way to contact you if you win. Good luck!

Photo credit: Jeremy Daniel

Get Ready For Ghost The Musical

On Thursday night I got a sneak peek of Ghost The Musical at the Ghost Light Sessions. The event kicked off with a cocktail called "The Unchained Melody" made from Frozen Ghost Vodka (that's a real thing!), sweet and sour mix, blue curacao, and pineapple juice. I assume they will be selling these at the theater and if you don't mind girly/bright green drinks, I recommend.

We were then treated to some performances and introduced to the creative team. First up, stars Richard Fleeshman and Caissie Levy sang "Here Right Now." It's hard to really get a sense of the musical from out-of-context songs, but this was my favorite number of the evening. I also enjoyed hearing from book writer and lyricist Bruce Joel Rubin, who also wrote the screenplay for the movie. One of the most famous lines in the movie is when Molly says, "I love you," and Sam answers with, "Ditto." It was interesting to hear that Rubin was reluctant about a musical because he thought it would be people just singing, "Ditto. Ditto. Ditto." He also explained that this line came from his personal life, since he had a hard time saying the words, "I love you."

Here are a few more photos from the event (by the way, my camera kind of sucks and there was a wire in our way, so I apologize for the quality of the pictures):
Music producer/arranger Glen Ballard and The Eurythmics' Dave Stewart, who wrote the score of the musical:
(from left to right) Director Matthew Warchus, Bryce Pinkham, who plays Carl Bruner, Fleeshman, Levy, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, who plays Oda Mae Brown, and one of the producers:
The reason I'm most interested in Ghost the Musical is the special effects, but that will have to wait until the show starts performances (previews begin March 15 at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre, officially opening on April 23). To see the Ghost Light Sessions for yourself, tune in on Facebook on Tuesday, January 24 at 9 a.m., 4:30 p.m., and 9 p.m. EST. In the meantime, check out the trailer:

A New Theater Festival

Times Square isn't usually the place for works that challenge the status quo, but that is the mission of the new Times Square International Festival at the Roy Arias Studios. The other part of the mission is to keep the shows affordable and ticket prices are $18 in advance, $20 at the door, and $12 for students and seniors.

Superman 2050 in Union Station, Chicago, IL, July 2011: Marc Frost, Lily Emerson, Thomas Kelly, Melissa Cameron, Brittany Bookbinder, Kathleen Wrinn, Becky McNamara
I only had a chance to see one of the 14 shows presented--a really fun show called Superman 2050 from Theater Un-Speak-Able in Chicago. Seven actors perform on a 3' by 7' platform. It takes place in Metropolis in the year 2050 and in addition to playing characters like Clark Kent (Marc Frost), Lois Lane (Kathleen Wrinn), Jimmy Olsen (Brittany Bookbinder), and Lex Luthor (Thomas Kelly), the actors also act as set and props.

The festival ends tomorrow, but if you don't have any Sunday plans, I encourage you to check it out (Superman 2050 has a show at 7 p.m.), or at least keep it on your radar for next year.

Photo credit: Photographer Max Dionne

On A Clear Day: What Went Wrong

On A Clear Day You Can See Forever will close on January 29, after 29 previews and 57 regular performances. The show opened at the St. James Theatre on December 11 to negative reviews. Having seen the show in previews, I wasn't surprised by the response, but over the summer, I was expecting it to be a highlight of the Broadway season. As a member of the Vineyard last season, I had the opportunity to see the promising lab production. But while I still loved a lot of the individual elements on Broadway, as a whole, the production just didn't work. So what changed? Basically, the lab worked because it felt more like a concert. The score (music by Burton Lane and Alan Jay Lerner) is absolutely gorgeous, but once the show was fully staged, it kind of fell apart.

The show now takes place in the '70s instead of the '60s (the original opened on Broadway in 1965). In the revised story (Peter Parnell updated Alan Jay Lerner's book), Dr. Mark Bruckner (Harry Connick, Jr.) uses hypnosis to get David Gamble (David Turner) to quit smoking. While David is hypnotized, he starts speaking as his former self from a past life--female jazz singer Melinda Wells (star-to-be Jessie Mueller). The story is a still a bit muddled owing partly to the fact that David and Melinda are played by two separate people. When watching the lab production, I guess I figured that director Michael Mayer would somehow brilliantly solve all the issues, but the staging was clunky, and I think a lot of that had to do with the set. Mayer's creative team has done wonderful work by him in the past in shows like American Idiot and Spring Awakening, but here, they miss the mark, especially Christine Jones's optical illusion eyesore of a set (see photo), in which pieces of furniture would come on and off in the center of the stage, not allowing for much in the way of inventive staging.

In the workshop, Dr. Bruckner was played by Marc Kudisch, who seemed more comfortable in the role. Still, Connick sings like a dream and so does Mueller. Turner is delightful. I may have wanted more from On A Clear Day, but I appreciate that it was trying to push the envelope and would have liked to see it hold on a little longer. I hope it at least gets a cast recording so the best part of the show can be preserved.

Photo credit: Paul Kolnik

My Introduction To Godspell

I've been really excited for Godspell basically since it was announced. Many of the cast members (Lindsay Mendez, Hunter Parrish, Nick Blaemire, etc.) have impressed me in other shows. I was fascinated by the People of Godspell and whether a community-produced Broadway musical could be a success for everyone involved. I love the show's social media campaign (see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly) and the idea of a backstage lottery. I think one reason I put off seeing it for so long (the show opened November 7 at the Circle in the Square Theatre) was that I was afraid I wouldn't actually like it (I'm somewhat of an anomaly among theater fans as I've never seen or been in Godspell). I was mostly right--Godspell just isn't my kind of show--but I'm glad I finally saw it and I'm glad it was this production.

Godspell premiered off-Broadway in 1971. The musical with a score by Stephen Schwartz is based on the Gospel of St. Matthew and was originally conceived by book-writer John-Michael Tebelak as a thesis project. The actors--dressed as hippie clowns--use their real names except for Jesus (Hunter Parrish in this production) and Judas and John the Baptist (Wallace Smith) and act out parables. After an introduction with the cast dressed in suits, talking on cell phones and carrying briefcases with names like "L. Ron Hubbard," the show becomes thrilling as Smith sings the a cappella opening of "Prepare Ye" and is joined by the band and cast. But the joy of that first number gives way to dizzying scenes (Daniel Goldstein directs) and dated and unfunny pop culture references. Audience members occasionally are asked to participate in games like Pictionary and charades. It may seem like this show would be up my alley since I was such a huge fan of Hair, but the audience participation in that show seemed a more natural fit, and with the Godspell update, it was unclear why they were acting like hippies. Also, I felt an emotional attachment to the story in Hair, whereas here, to be honest, I didn't know what was going on half the time. I'm sure a lot of it is because I'm Jewish and did not grow up with any of these stories.

It's almost like I was watching two shows. If most of the book scenes were cut out, I might have loved it. The music is infectious and this cast can sing, especially Lindsay Mendez and Uzo Aduba. Towards the end, the show takes a turn for the serious, and a curious thing happened, I started to like it. From Parrish's "Beautiful City" to the crucifixion, all that silliness gives way to something simple and lovely. As morbid as this may sound, I felt the show ended on a high note and I left the theater thinking more about the positive aspects of the production than the negative. I probably never need to see a production of Godspell again, but I'll continue to enjoy the other show--the new marketing strategies, such as the Tuesday Night Talkbacks announced this week, which will feature a different cast member each week speaking about their experience in the show from audition stories to nightly routines.
Photo credit: Jeremy Daniel

Contest: Win Tickets to Ionescopade!

Update: The contest is now closed. Thank you to everybody who entered. Congratulations Jerry!

I've been a fan of the York Theatre Company, which only produces musicals, since my first visit for a workshop of Yank! The latest York mainstage production is Ionescopade, A Musical Vaudeville, which premiered Off-Broadway in 1974 and presents a new look at the works of absurdist playwright Eugene Ionesco (The Bald Soprano, Rhinoceros, The Chairs, Exit the King). Music and lyrics are by Mildred Kayden.

To be entered to win a pair of tickets, tell me in the comments your favorite Ionesco play or the best production of an Ionesco play you've seen (if you're not familiar with his work, just tell me why you're interested in seeing the show). The winner will be chosen at random from the entries on Wednesday, January 18 at 5 p.m. Please include your e-mail address or Twitter handle in the comments so I have a way to contact you if you win. Good luck!

SPECIAL OFFER: $40.00 tickets (regularly $67.50)

TO REDEEM: 1. Visit YorkTheatre.org and mention code IONESCOHHC

2. CALL 212-935-5820 and mention code IONESCOHHC

RESTRICTIONS: * Offer not valid in conjunction with any other offer or on previously purchased tickets. Subject to availability and prior sale. All sales final. No refunds or exchanges. Offer may be revoked at any time. Blackout dates may apply. Valid for performances through February 12; buy by February 3.